Do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings.
Proverbs 31:3
King Lemuel was told this by his mama. What a context it sets up for the rest of the proverb!
What if Proverbs 31 is not a list of who we as women are supposed to be, rather a challenge for the kind of women men should pursue; a word of wisdom from a mother to her son in order to protect him from how the enemy can use a woman in a negative way to suck a man’s strength.
The reality is, we have great influence and we are to steward that influence well in every season of our journey. This mom figure is challenging her son to seek women who are…
-
- strong
- trustworthy
- seek to do good
- industrious/helpful
- productive
- leaders
- smart
- energetic
- good workers
- caring
- dressed with forethought
- bold and yet humbled by their position as God‘s daughter.
- not controlled by fears
- use words wisely
- speak kindly
It is so easy to understand how many women are tempted to be overwhelmed by the pressure to BE a “Proverbs 31 woman” – not a bad desire of the heart, but I don’t think it is intended to bring shame for a woman who already knows she’s far from perfect. I’m wondering if this mom was actually trying to counter the kind of woman her son was tempted to pursue.
What if one flips to the negative the qualities listed in Proverbs 31?
Look at the description that would give as to the types of women she wanted him to avoid…
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- Women who are weak, liars, seek to harm, & that don’t take initiative.
- Women who are lazy, focused on themselves and don’t seem to use their minds.
- Women who are unmotivated, busy bodies, self-focused, and dress to invite sexual desire.
- Women who are weak and insecure.
- Women who worry all the time, gossip and talk foolishly
- Women who are cutting and mean.
Mama’s final wisdom:
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
Proverbs 31:30
- Charm (hen: subjective kindness)
- Beauty (ypi: external appearance)
Men should be wary of being drawn to subjective kindness and appearance alone.
The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance. The Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
When God was seeking a king for Israel, He was looking for a heart submitted to his. Ironically, that heart belonged to a young man named David, who was ALSO rugged and handsome…but that was not what mattered most.
For the benefit of who they are meant to be, it would be wise to prayerfully and humbly seek women who fear God.
The challenge here is for the man.
As for me, the woman, it confirms what God has already said I am to be. It confirms the value of fearing the Lord and trusting him amidst all the waiting and “meanwhiles” of life.
Jesus, keep working in me what is pleasing to you. May all the boys and men in my life seek women, be drawn to women, and spend their time with women who fear the Lord.
In the meanwhile…
The challenge:
- Pray that God’s Spirit will help you to help and love those women & girls that are yet to become who these verses describe.
- Commit to continually pray for the boys and men God has placed in your life.
Fabulous post…much to contemplate.. Need more of these!
The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1
Probably true for men as well. 🙂
I certainly agree that these ideals should always be held up for our boys. Our fathers and mothers should be talking about them to their sons and pointing out these characteristics from day one. Too often we unwittingly objectify little girls. We offhandedly remark to our sons, “Why don’t you like “Peggy”? She’s so cute,” as though cuteness is the main characteristic to look for. Or the Christian father I know who referred to his teenage daughter as “hot.” Trust me, she was and marriage and three kids later, she’s miserable. You’re so right, Geri, and we must do more than pay lip service to this Proverb with its much needed messages for both the males and females.
May God help us all to be more mindful of the chacteristics we should be mentoring and encouraging in our daughters as well as teaching our sons to look for them in girls.
Shari Hervold
So true.
It is also interesting that we can’t be women of strength and dignity who laugh at the days to come, if we don’t learn to trust those days to our God and submit ourselves to him amidst all the unknowns.those younger than us watch how we navigate uncertainty and they imitate it…well or poorly.
I was one of those women who read about the Proverbs woman and thought, “I can never be that!” Thankfully, I finally realized it’s not the doing, but the believing. Your post is very thought-provoking. How do I get the cliche, “I wish I knew then what I know now,” across to young women today?
I thought I had to be all the things as well…and it was an exhausting and foolish race. I think we CAN be all of these attributes, but they come in waves, or certain measures. It is not so much a decree: you must be, as it is a mantle: you have this authority and position (a calling).